Wake me up

When September ends.

Hi Blogger, it's me.
Yeah it's been a while.
It's almost autumn again.

It was a grey day.
I think even the sky has it's off days.
I guess today counts as one?

I'm a little disappointed in myself, for reasons that I can't really even explain. I never thought I truly cared, but it hurts to think of it. All gone in a split second. I'm torn between trusting myself and letting myself go.

What to do.

Wait I suppose.
Wait for a better tomorrow.
Wait for something good to happen.

Definitely waiting for my next shoot. :)

Who

I guess growing up, there have been people who've told me I'm past my years. I never really understood what that meant, but they say sometimes I'm a little too mature for my own good. Perhaps, but I'd rather not follow the trend of stupidity that teenagers seem to go down.

I know this girl and we share so many common characteristics, down to her ethnicity. It's so odd, but we've even gone through the same phases. I can see how environments truly affect the person because I've moved out of that awful influence into a better one while she had to strive and make her way through it. There was a time in my life where I believed that nothing was good enough for me. I thought life sucked and that I was "suffering" and no one understood what I was going through. Immature thoughts like that occured almost every day throughout my younger teenage years. I wish I could go back and just slap myself.

She ended up getting a shitload of tattoos and piercings to express her "pain". Now I'm usually not a person to judge because I believe everybody has a right to do whatever they feel, but going crazy defacing yourself is not something I'm going to just support. Not only are you TRULY defacing yourself, you WILL regret it in 10 years no matter what you think right now! It's downright nasty, which is why people are saying things like that. Who wants to see an inked girl running around? It's not attractive in any way, and all it does is make adults and people who are trying to hire you an impression that you're not the best person in the world.

I no longer want a tattoo, unless it's a tiny one hidden from view. But then, what's the point right?

I've gone through many phases.
I'd like to think I'm at one that I will stay at, for a long time to come.
But it's all these things put together that have made me who I am today, and yeah I'm happy for that. I've gotten to know myself a lot better for that matter & as of now, I just don't give a shit what people have to say about me. I do what I want to do, because if you really cared about me, you wouldn't be talking shit.

This summer, I want to live.

kissin u

I'm kinda super happy with the way things have been going. Everything feels perfect. Time somehow feels to have stopped. It's such an odd feeling to realize that this year is ending.

My sophomore year in high school has been the best year so far. There have definitely been many many down days, but overall, I've loved it.

I keep coming back to Blogger even though I do indeed have a Tumblr. Twitter is the most retarded thing on earth and I refuse to use it. I guess there's a reason but like. I don't know. I read something from 2 years ago when there was someone important in my life who is now gone. From time to time I like to reminisce on the things that might have been. The plans we had. The happy days.

I can't believe they're graduating. I will forever remember them as just juniors. I still feel like a freshman.. walking into the school for the first time and getting lost. Feeling pressure around from upperclassmen. Stupidity and falling for a senior. One year later I'm about to complete my sophomore year. My classes this year were so much more difficult! Oh my goodness... I like to believe I've learned a lot this year.

I will admit, I've done some pretty crazy and stupid shit this year. I sneak out a lottt. I don't want to disappoint my parents, but sometimes you need some time alone to yourself outside in a field somewhere. Just look up and make a wish on a shooting star.

I've found my 11:11.
2/12/10 :)
You mean the world and more to me.
I kinda, sorta, really love you.

So I've started to find my place in life.
I hope my junior year doesn't ruin that.

Smile

Even if your heart is crying.
Even if you're just so sad there's nothing to say.

Even if nothing seems to go your way.

Because there's always a reason to smile.
& I think I've found mine.

Gossip

I heard a little gossip today from a friend.
It made me a little... skeptical.

It made me a little scared.
I hope it's not true.

But really it's making me all that more afraid
of the truly, truly inevitable.

I love Green.

Out of all the pretty colors in the world, I have to say. Green is definitely not my color. I can only wear certain shades of olive green:( But I did find MY PERFECT green on a cute little dress yesterday! Haha(:

I love green eyes.
I think they have so much depth to them.
It's kinda mysterious.
I don't know how to describe it.
I'm gonna fake a pair of green eyes with contacts>:D

I'm really happy this weekend♥

St[r]uck

In time.
I tell myself things like that.
In time, I'll figure it out.
Stuff won't be complicated.
Life will be simple.

It still hasn't happened.

I try, try my best to make everyone happy.
I really love [almost] everyone around me..

I'd be super happy if a couple of my friends worried less. I wanna tell them they're super cute & pretty and awesome and that they need to see it in themselves. That grades aren't the most important thing on this earth. That things will work out for the best!! They always do. God has a reason for everything in life.

Guys confuse me a lot.
Sometimes someone's super nice. Sometimes they're super mean? How can you tell when someone's being themselves. I need someone there for me, but I don't need someone who feels obligated to fake it. Life's too short to be someone you're not. But I have .. a general idea what I want right now(:

We'll see . .
if my stupidity ruins it.